LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE:
Milspouse Matters Episode 73: How to Thrive During Deployment with Becky Hoy
This week, we’re talking about strategies for thriving and making the most of your time during deployment!
Jen’s “favorite things” this week:
The Spouse Angle Podcast (learn more on Episode 60 – The Spouse Angle: Breaking Down the News for Military Spouses)
Mentioned in my answer to listener Grace’s question about how to help extended family members cope with military life:
Episode 52: Support for Parents of Military Members
Episode 22: When Your Child Joins the Military with Elaine Brye
About this episode and guest Becky Hoy:
There have been a lot of new listeners in recent weeks, so welcome and I’m so glad you’re joining me, wherever in the world you’re listening to this! Whether a new listener or you’ve been with me a while, I’m really thankful you’re here and I hope to share something useful or encouraging to you!
On this episode, I’m talking to Becky Hoy, who is a U.S. Army Military Spouse of 10 years and the Founder of Brave Crate- the deployment countdown box for military spouses, and co-host of PILLAR- the digital retreat for deployment countdowns. Since launching in 2018, more than 3,000 months of deployment have been counted down using Brave Crates. Becky is passionate about encouraging military spouses to embrace the unique opportunities that deployments present for personal growth and development. Learn more about Brave Crate and the Pillar deployment retreat.
Ideas for getting through deployments is one of the most common questions I get from listeners, and the episodes about deployment are some of the most popular for this podcast. It’s a tough topic, for sure. And if you’ve been through, are going through, or will go through a deployment, you will love Becky’s perspective!
She talks about how she learned to make the most of the time apart from her husband vs. just passing time and wishing for it to be over. Be prepared to get a brand new perspective and encouragement for the difficulties of deployment. Becky tells us how her perspective shifted from “counting every minute to making every minute count” and some of her experiences as she’s been through multiple deployments. The willingness to embrace change and the unknown is so important to getting through life as a military spouse, and Becky talks candidly of her struggles through this rollercoaster ride, while also reminding us that it is possible to thrive while your spouse is away.
She says of her husband’s first deployment,
“I remember sitting in my living room…alone in this new place, in this house I hadn’t even made into a home yet with him and just crying. And I kind of held onto that feeling for the first 3 months of his deployment. I had this tunnel vision, hyper-focused on how many days were ahead of us and wishing these days away. And I had this point that I reached where I said to myself, ‘You know what? You are wishing these days away because you want him to come home and you want this to be over. But these are actual days of your life that you’re wishing away, and you’re not going to get them back.’ And I realized that this deployment situation was going to be my reality for the foreseeable future.”
Becky offers practical tips for marking the time, self care, reaching out when you need help, and so much more! You’ll also hear the vision behind BraveCrate, and the upcoming (all digital!) PILLAR deployment retreat. I just love her perspective:
“When you’re running a marathon, you cannot focus on how many miles are ahead of you. You have to be focused on how far you’re going and why you are doing it and what you’re feeling in those moments in between. So I think of deployment in the same way. I don’t look at deployment and say ‘this is going to be nothing but fun the whole time.’ But I can get to the end of a deployment and cross that finish line and look back and say, ‘That was actually a good thing. And I’m glad we did that, even though it was difficult.’ Like a marathon, throughout the process, you think, this kind of stinks and I’m sick of it. I wish it was over.’ But you can still cross that finish line and look back and feel like it was a powerful experience. I really try to use this as a season to learn about myself, about my marriage and my relationship. Difficult…but it can also be beautiful.”
Connect with Becky Hoy:
Get my book, You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse
Connect with Milspouse Matters on Instagram
Find the complete Milspouse Matters show archive and listen to every episode!
Have a topic idea for the Milspouse Matters podcast or know someone who’d be a great guest? Send me a note or fill out our guest application.